Life In The Office

There seems to be a trend happening with Michael this season, perhaps in preparation for Steve Carell’s departure; I like to call it a sort of social and emotional awakening.  Every time Michael has a new epiphany, it has something to do with Holly.  Even in the Sex Ed episode, when Michael only spoke to Holly on the phone, she seemed to trigger a kind of self discovery that is very out of character for Michael.  Could it be that Holly, in her own weird way, is making Michael normal?  Even though Holly, to quote Jim, “is kind of a dork”, she has this kind of evolving effect on Michael and it will be interesting to see what his character transforms into by the time Steve’s last episode comes around, which, unfortunately, is coming around way too soon.

Now that I’ve given my psychological analysis for the day, on to the episode:

Dwight is opening enormous cans and jars of food such as tomatoes, cereal, mayonnaise and pickled okra.  He explains, not surprisingly, that he has the best stocked survival shelter in all of Northeastern Pennsylvania.  However, everything has a shelf life, so he must eat and replace all the food before it expires.  He’s sitting at a table in the break room during lunch, surrounded by his enormous containers, eating tomatoes right out of the can and grossing out his co-workers.

As they chastise him for eating 8-year-old tomatoes, Dwight reprimands them for their lack of emergency preparedness and describes what would happen to each of them in the event of an apocalypse:  Kevin will be eaten, Pam will be taken slave, Jim would be made a warlord’s jester, but Meredith would do ok, all because Dwight wouldn’t let them into his shelter, not because of the sign that says, No Pounding, No Begging, but because they laughed at him.  Dwight then says it’s only a matter of time, maybe one month, maybe two months.  In true Jim fashion he continues to debate with Dwight about the timeline as everyone else gets fed up and leaves… maybe 8 months, maybe 11 months, maybe one year?  We see only Jim and Dwight left in the break room as Jim continues to interrogate Dwight… maybe 424 months?  Maybe 425 months… I’m sure it went on for hours, well at least until the end of the work day.

WARNING:  The following recap includes vulgar language not suitable for young readers (all Todd Packer’s fault; I did not make any of this stuff up).

Todd Packer is sitting in Michael’s office explaining to him why he wants to get off the road.  He says he was becoming too much of a womanizer and that he found some love bumps on his ding dong and that was the signal that, “Whoa, game over.”  Michael reminisces by pulling out some framed pictures of his and Packer’s old days in the office, one of which was the day packer left for the road (notice Creed is in both pictures).

Holly enters and Michael introduces her to Packer and he flatters her by likening her to Jennifer Aniston.  They head to the conference room and Michael follows, but Holly tells him that the meeting would just be her and Packer.  Michael warns her that he’s funniest after he’s had 5 shots and it helps if you’ve had 5 shots.  She assures him with her quirky smile that she’s already had and closes the door.  Jim and Dwight incredulously ask Michael what Packer is doing there and why he’s talking to Holly.  Michael feigns innocence until Todd and Holly emerge after Holly signs off on his return.  Michael is ecstatic that Todd will be returning saying that Packer needs no introduction because most of them have probably done it with him and that he will be trading his condoms for a condominium.  Kevin is excited too, and doesn’t even mind that Todd already called them all suckers, but the rest of the office is less than thrilled.  Jim and Dwight both question if Holly approved Packer’s return and she confirms this twice.  Kevin gets annoyed saying that it seems that some people don’t know what the word approved means.  He then has a one–line talking head which is my favorite quote from the episode, “I have very little patience for stupidity.”  Coming from Kevin, that’s rich.  I really like that Kevin is getting more screen time and great lines lately.  You can’t have too much Kevin.

Michael wants to give Packer his old desk back, but it’s occupied by none other than Dwight.  When Dwight argues that he’s been sitting there for 10 years, Packer counters that he sat there for 12 years and his name is carved under the desk.  Dwight, knowing every inch of his own desk, denies this and Michael and Dwight crawl under the desk to check.  Michael finds the carving, “Packer was here and so was your Mom” and Dwight is defeated, but not before being further humiliated by Packer dry-humping both of them at once as their behinds are sticking out from under the desk.

Dwight moves to the annex at a desk opposite Holly.  As he’s organizing his new desk, he picks up a tray of sand and rocks.  He wants to know whose dirt box it is.  Holly replies that it’s their Zen Garden.  Dwight counters with, “What do you grow in here, bull crap?” as he throws it in the trash.  Oh yeah, this is going to be tons of fun for the annex employees.

Jim, Pam, Meredith and the rest of the gang enter and confront Holly about her decision to allow Packer back in the office.  She counters that Michael’s recommendation was glowing and that he’s been nothing but nice to her.  Meredith responds by saying that’s how he gets you to take off your panties.  When Pam nods in agreement, Jim asks her why she’s nodding; he knows Pam has never slept with Packer.  Pam just shrugs and says, “United front.”  There are some seriously adorable JAM moments in this episode.

Erin and Gabe come in late and Erin explains it’s because Gabe fell in the shower and it took the fire department forever to get there.  When she sits down she notices a brand new computer.  When she asks who was responsible, Pam gets up and goes to reception.  In a talking head she explains that she got Erin a new computer because the one at reception was awful; she should know.  Erin hugs Pam and thanks her.  Pam looks pleased with herself and walks over to Jim and just shrugs with a smirk on her face.  Jim shrugs back and wants to know if he can do something for her.  She just replies, “Helped someone out, feels good.”  He smiles back and says, “You know I cleaned up our daughter, for like an hour, at 4:00 this morning.”  Pam’s smile fades a bit and she counters, “So you know the feeling.” I just love that it feels like we’re getting some of the season 2 Jim and Pam back; it’s about damn time.

Andy is trying to watch a video of a regatta on his computer but it freezes.  Erin offers to let him watch it on her spiffy new computer and Andy gets jealous and wants one too.  He approaches Pam, but she turns him down saying that if he gets a new computer than she has to get one for everyone in the sales department and they just don’t have the budget for it.  Pam later walks by Andy’s desk and sees Erin’s new computer on it.  It seems that Erin, being the good friend that she is (or maybe just the gullible friend that she is) allowed Andy to talk her into switching computers.  Pam gets annoyed and tells Andy to switch the computers back.  Andy reluctantly agrees and crawls under his desk to disconnect the computer and calls out, “Please make sure that no one is humping me.”  There are a lot of humping jokes in this episode.

Holly, Dwight and Kevin are in the kitchen having lunch (I guess Holly and Dwight are buddies now that they sit together).  Todd walks in and calls them the 3 muske-queers.  Kevin, the ever agreeable Packer supporter, says it was mean, but good.  Holly shakes it off and tries to make small talk with Packer saying that it must be nice to get off the road and spend some time with his daughter.   Packer says he loves his daughter but she’s turning into a bitch and sometimes acts like her mom.  Holly is appalled, but tries to stay composed and replies that some girls go through a phase; she’s starting to see what everyone else is talking about.  Kevin tells packer that his life is insane and he should write a book.  Packer slings back, “Since when did you learn how to read?”  Kevin innocently answers, “But I do know how to read.”  Todd counters, “Yeah, you can read a menu,” and walks out.  Kevin is still trying to stick up for Packer and says that he’s right; he needs to lose some weight.  Suddenly Dwight is the compassionate one and tells Kevin that in sumo cultures he would be considered a promising up and comer.  Kevin really doesn’t know what to make of that one.

Holly is up at reception and Erin asks her to bring Dwight his ant farm and test tube full of ants if she’s going back to the annex.  She takes the ant farm, but Michael cuts her off wanting to know what she thinks of Packer, sure her response will be that she loves him.  He’s surprised to hear that not only does Holly not think packer is funny, but she thinks he’s a jerk.  As they argue about it, Erin gets antsy that the ants are not getting back to the annex and eventually grabs the farm and tube away from Holly and says, “For Pete’s sake, it just needs to be done.”  I always wondered when people use that phrase, who the hell is Pete?

To further drive home the point of his jerkiness, Packer is sitting at his desk opposite Jim and Pam.  He says to them, “So you two are married now right?” Jim smiles and affirms.  Todd responds with, “That’s sweet.  How’s the sex?”  Jim just says, “Yeah.” and looks down at his desk.  Dwight comes in offering Todd a steaming mug of hot chocolate as a welcome to the office and Jim, knowing Dwight’s way of thinking advises him not to drink it.  Back in the kitchen he tells Dwight that he can’t poison Packer.  Dwight responds that it was only a laxative; just a lot more than normal people take.  Jim suggests that they join forces on this one and tries to brain storm with Dwight about what would drive Packer crazy.  Dwight can only come up with putting Pepto Bismol in his hot chocolate.  Jim tells him to stop with the hot chocolate.  He suggests they jam his drawers so he can only open them about two inches.  This way he can see what’s inside, but not get anything out.  Dwight shoots down this idea immediately saying it’s stupid.  He then suggests they call Froggy 101 and say they’re the tour manager for Justin Beiber and they are giving away free concert tickets.  They give them a number to call for the tickets and its Packer’s number.  Dwight responds with, “Who’s Justice Beaver?”  Jim gives a look to the camera and replies, “He’s a crime fighting beaver.”  Of course, that’s something Dwight can relate to.  Dwight tells Jim to e-mail him a list of his best 40 ideas.  Jim says he’ll e-mail him 100.

Andy wants to talk to Pam privately in the conference room.  He’s upset that Pam humiliated him in front of everyone.  She says that she didn’t look at it that way and there’s nothing she can do about it.  She can’t get him a new computer unless his breaks.  Andy says that it’s pretty broken already.  Pam says that if it breaks all the way, she can get him a new one.  Andy takes this as his cue to intentionally break the computer by going to plenty of unprotected sites and sliding a slice of bologna with mustard on it, into the CD-ROM drive.

Dwight and Jim are going over his list of 400 ideas (Jim couldn’t cut it down).  Dwight is pretty impressed, but he has a few notes he’d like to make.  While trying to retrieve a pen from his drawer, he finds that it only opens two inches and he can’t get anything out.  Dwight gets increasingly frustrated as he tries to open the drawer; Jim just gives a look to the camera and leaves the annex.  It seems the pranker has been pranked by the master pranker.

Michael takes Packer down to Hank’s for some coffee and a frank discussion about his behavior.  He explains that Holly has had some people complain to her about his behavior and apparently he said some things about Kevin and his own daughter that were inappropriate.  He further tells him that he’s been an outdoor cat, and now he has to be an indoor cat and he can’t pee all over the walls.  Todd realizes that he’s been acting inappropriately and decides to apologize to the office.  He asks Michael not to give up on him and Michael assures him that he won’t.

Back upstairs, Michael announces that Packer is going to apologize and calls Kevin up to the front of the room so that Todd can apologize directly to him.  Kevin argues that he wasn’t offended, but he’ll stand there for the show like a good trooper.  Packer gives him a half-hearted apology and Kelly argues that Kevin shouldn’t accept it because it was fake and Ryan does this to her all the time like it’s some offense to have feelings.  Ryan counters that sometimes she overacts.  Oscar brings up the point that this isn’t going to work; Packer is going to keep making offensive comments and issuing half-asses apologies and then they’ll be back to square one.  Michael is trying to genuinely help Packer and he chastises his employees by trying to show them that they are not so different from him: He’s a survivor of divorce like Stanley, he doesn’t talk to his kid like Meredith, never lived up to his parents expectations like Andy, and Angela loves pussy cats and Packer loves… Well, he was going to say dogs; yeah right.  He argues that Packer is going to be there until the day he dies, just like the rest of them—the harsh reality of Corporate America.

Pam and Andy are sitting in the back of Andy’s car.  There’s an empty computer carton sitting by the dumpster.  Pam says that they have to scuff the new computer up a little and she adds Dunder Mifflin and Rock 107 bumper stickers for good measure (something cool for Bob to include in Scrantonicity).  Andy argues that they could say the previous owner was a neat freak or an old lady who just kept the computer around in case her grandkids came over; but they never came and they died.  Pam reminds him that this was the deal that they made and they should maybe break a hinge.  Andy tells her not to go crazy.

Packer is sitting at his desk talking to what he thinks is Corporate in Tallahassee.  They are telling him to go to Jo’s manor, hop the fence and head directly to the pool.  Also, when he gets down there, he should check out Harry Potter world which is supposed to be fantastic.  We see Michael walking in to the annex and discovering Jim and Dwight talking on the speaker phone in fake southern accents.

In a talking head, Packer says that when corporate found out that he wanted to come in off the road, they immediately offered him a cushy new job down in Tallahassee, which is great because he’s a huge alligator nerd, also a huge boob nerd.

Michael is appalled and asks why Jim and Dwight would send Packer to Florida.  Dwight says it’s because he took his desk.  Jim says it’s because he’s a jerk.  Michael says they have to tell him and they both refuse.  Dwight says that this wasn’t his first choice and Jim had a lot of better ideas, but they settled on that one.  Michael says that he’s going to tell him and Jim tries to negotiate saying they should come up with a plan that they’re all happy about, but Michael storms out.

Meanwhile Andy is installing his new/old computer and makes a big show of saying how junky it is.  Pam says it’s the best she could do and mentions that she found it in the corner of the warehouse.  We see Darryl making a shocked face at that comment as Andy thanks Pam for his new garbage computer.  They both go back to work with smug looks on their faces believing they got away with the scam.

Packer goes into Michael’s office and announces that he is looking at the new face corporate.  He’s going to put the ‘ass’ in Tallahassee.  Michael tries tells him not to celebrate so quickly but before he gets a chance to reveal Jim and Dwight’s prank, Todd goes and insults Holly.  Well, this is something that Michael cannot stand for, not even from his so-called best friend.  Realizing that his employees were right about Packer the whole time, he goes ahead and lets Packer ride off into the sunset.  Holly comforts him in her own strange way (using a Boston accent; probably an ode to John Krasinski and BJ Novak).

In the tag scene we see Pam and Darryl in the break room and Darryl brings up the strange fact that Pam found a forgotten computer in the corner of the warehouse when he knows every inch of the warehouse and he doesn’t remember a computer being stored there.  He wonders if maybe Pam can go down there and dig up some extra sick days for him.  Pam considers this and then bargains with Daryl about the number of sick days; they settle on 3.  In a talking head Pam admits with a satisfied smirk, “Yep, I’m full on corrupt.”   We knew this about her already anyway after the sneaky way she got the job in the first place.

So that’s it folks, there’s going to be an Office dry spell for a while and then the conclusion of Michael’s reign at Dunder Mifflin will commence.  What did you all think?  Sound off in the comments or on the forum.

Till next time,

~Suri (aka HDF)