Life In The Office

To quote the creepy Robert California: “Fear plays an interesting role in our lives.” For instance, I’m afraid that any given episode of “The Office,” no matter how good it is, will have absolutely no Scranton references. That will leave me with not a shred of material for “Scrantonicity,” and I’ll just have to give up and not write anything. (Did I hear somebody just say that’s not such a bad idea?) Well, anyway… as usual, I found just enough obscure stuff to cobble something together… so there was no reason for me to be “Spooked…” yet. Next week… who knows? (Imagine eerie Halloween-y music playing here.)

The episode takes place in the  festively decorated office, as everyone arrives in costumes. Let’s get right to the good stuff here. Oscar, Stanley and Phyllis are sitting in the break room, and they are reading copies of the “Weekender,” Scranton’s tabloid newspaper that would have comprehensive listings of all the fun things to do in the area for Halloween. Oscar mentions the “Scranton walking haunted tour” as something that sounds like fun. So, I did a Google search, and I was as shocked as if I’d seen a ghost! Scranton, Pa is staking a claim as the “most haunted city in America.” Whoa, I didn’t know that. Check out “Scranton Ghost Tours,” “Scranton After Dark,” “Scranton Ghost Walk,” “Scranton’s Grisly History,” or “Haunted Scranton“… if, if, if… you d-d-d-are.

My memories of growing up in Scranton include many neighborhoods with stately old mansions that had seen better days, and lots of abandoned coal mine structures and vacant factories and storefronts. It was easy to let my young imagination go wild, especially on dark autumn nights with the wind howling through the dried leaves. But now apparently there’s big business in officially celebrating these “ghosts.” Now, there are all these guided haunted tours in and around Scranton, that take you to such “eerie” places as… the Albright Library? The Scranton Cultural Center? The Scranton State School For The Deaf? I grew up across the street from that school; the old ivy-covered buildings had that gothic architecture that looks so right on a full-moonlit night when lightning is streaking the sky, but as a young’un I never heard a single moan, or a rattling chain coming from that place, and there was even a sprawling old cemetery next to it! My whole neighborhood was obviously haunted, and nobody told me about it.

Anyway, back to the Office break room. Pam interjects with her “true” tale about working at the Banshee Pub, a real joint located on Penn Avenue in Scranton. Go to the website, and you can read all about the old man dressed in black, along with other recurring apparitions. I was so excited to find this information; this means that the Office writers still care enough to weave some real local flavor into their scripts. I’d love to know how they got their information; did they solicit it from Scranton liaisons, or were they provided the colorful stories from information included in the “prop drop?” Or, like me, did they just go to Google, seeking creepy material to work with? I’d like to think NBC sent some writers on a fact-finding mission to the Banshee Pub, to “experience” the man in black for themselves. I know I’m gonna put that place on my “to-do” list when I go back for a hometown visit. Not that I’ll particularly enjoy drinking in a pub while waiting for a ghost to appear in the mirror… but it is for research purposes; somebody’s got to do it.

The next local nod worth noting would be a terrified Kevin Malone, stammering “Why on earth would a museum put a mummy in it?” This is either a funny coincidence, or a “wink, wink nudge” moment from the Office writers. The Everhart Museum is a beautiful old classical architecture building anchoring Scranton’s Nay Aug Park. It features a large collection of acquisitions celebrating natural history, science and art. But I’ll bet I know what pops first and foremost into the minds of most local folks: the museum used to exhibit a real mummy, along with an authentic shrunken head! Those two items were the showstoppers; it didn’t matter that the museum had a painting by the old master Henri Matisse; the mummy and the shrunken head were the “must-sees.” At least until it became too politically incorrect to display these items, and they were hustled away into storage. If it is just a coincidence that Kevin Malone would have a fear of mummies, it’s a good one. I can easily picture a young school-age Kevin profusely perspiring, eyes wide with fright, as he trepidatiously approached the mummy in the Everhart’s inner chambers.

Finally, we come to the local product placement sightings. If I’ve noted something in the past, I’ll try not to repeat myself. These props are new to me: The logo on the side of the refrigerator for PennFuture, an environmental organization that looks worthwhile; A refrigerator magnet for Puffin Promotions, a business located at 1907 Electric Street in Dunmore; a mere five blocks from where I grew up. And lastly, there is a flyer for, uh… something on Spruce Street in Scranton; the name of the business is covered over by a big yellow ribbon that proclaims “Support Our Troops.” Which is a very worthy cause to support, but unfortunately the ribbon is ruining somebody’s fifteen minutes of fame. I can imagine some irate business owner yelling at the TV to “Move that yellow ribbon, willya!?!”  Like Robert California might say, “It’s every business owner’s fear; how dare they let it motivate them.” Or something like that. Happy Halloween!

~ Bob