Life In The Office

I’d like to start out by wishing Jenna Fischer and her RL husband, Lee Kirk, congratulations on the birth of their son, Weston Lee, born on September 24, 2011. I haven’t been able to find a picture of the little angel just yet, but all the articles say that mother and baby are doing just great! Information about the birth was not released until October 3rd (a day before my twin’s birthday) and I have to say that in watching the first few episodes, I had my suspicions that Jenna might actually be carrying twins; since she was so huge. Oh well, she may just have to wait until her next pregnancy to experience the joys of having twins, like myself, and so many other celebrities before her. That’s right, I’m up there in the ranks of Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez and Rebecca Romaine O’Connell (although they’ve never had the prestige and notoriety that comes from writing for LITO; just sayin’. )

I just have to say that I’m really pleased that I got the opportunity to recap this particular episode, because I can totally relate to the feelings of paranoia, insecurity, and general overall irrationalism and insanity that go along with pregnancy hormones. In that respect, I felt the episode was written very realistically. I mean, in what universe would Pam actually be crazy enough to completely trust Dwight above Jim and genuinely subject him to Dwight’s eccentric antics? Only in a pregnant Pam universe, that’s where. The subplot, however, not so in touch with reality; but we’ll get into that later.

In a completely unrelated Cold Opening (which would have fit into any old episode) we see Andy engaging Erin in the classic Michael Scott “Fake Phone Call” maneuver (remember the episode where he had Pam bring him little post-it note messages in the middle of meetings. She even had a cleverly drawn dancing hot dog in one of them). However, Erin is not as quick on the uptake and Andy has to explain that there really is no actual phone call, you just have to make one up and come into my office and interrupt the meeting to tell me there’s a phone call, and then I’ll refuse to take it so my potential client will think he’s more important than any phone call and give me his business. After all, Dunder Mifflin Sabre prides itself on its customer service.

The plan seems fool-proof except that Erin comes up with a scenario which even the most steadfast salesman would be unable to refuse. She tells him that it’s the police on the phone and that his mother was hit by a bus and killed; kind of hard to pass up a call like that. She even enlists the help of Dwight and Darryl for added effect. The client seems very concerned and is a bit perplexed why Andy wouldn’t take the call. So Andy picks up the line that “Officer Darryl” is holding on and asks if his mother had any last words. Darryl responds that this is a very bad idea, but Andy, being the consummate actor, just fakes devastation and says, “Make sure his client gets the very best deal possible.” More noble last words have never been uttered. Then he just hangs up and tells Erin to hold all his other calls and gets right back down to business with his very confused prospect.

Pam approaches her desk eating a yogurt (her favorite lunch, probably mixed-berry); but who’s that occupying her seat? It’s a young, attractive woman named Cathy; seemingly involved in some work-related activity. When Pam asks her if everything makes sense, she responds by saying that everything is fine, but Pam should probably sit down. Pam says she’s good, but Cathy insists and goes off to complete some employment paperwork. Pam lowers herself into her seat and it gives off a loud, distracting creaking noise which seems to get the attention of everyone in the office. Pam excuses herself by saying that she makes noises much worse than that, to which Dwight enthusiastically agrees. Pam has a TH where she explains to the camera that she’s training her replacement for when she’s out on maternity leave. She goes on to to say that she should have mentioned that she was pregnant and it was probably impossible to tell because she’s so small. That’s our Pam, compensating through the use of sarcasm. She leans back in her seat and it gives off yet another creak.

Ryan comes over to ask Jim & Pam if they know if the new girl is single.  He says he’s asking for a friend (yeah, right) and Jim, knowing Ryan, responds that he doubts it.  This shuts Ryan down, but intrigues Pam.  When she asks Jim why he doubts it, he simply says he has no idea, but they should probably save her from Ryan.  Pam does not seem satisfied, she thinks there’s more to it than Jim makes it out to be.  She waddles into the break room where everyone is engaged in a conversation about the new girl.  Ryan says the word is that she has a boyfriend and Gabe adds that he’s probably a drug dealer because the best way to get a hot girlfriend is to get her hooked on blow; which kind of makes you wonder about Gabe.  Everyone agrees that it will be nice to get a fresh, young (and fit) presence in the office to which Pam solemnly responds, “Yeah, It will be nice to have someone hot at Pam’s desk.”  The rest of the group interjects and tries to comfort Pam saying that she’s never been more radiant or more beautiful.  Toby then tries to change the subject by saying that Helen Mirren is gorgeous and the hottest thing ever, would be a pregnant Helen Mirren (who I believe has never had children).  When everyone agrees with this, Dwight pipes up that this conversation is disgusting.  Do they realize that what they’re saying is that the hottest thing ever would be a 66 yr old pregnant woman.  When Oscar (of all people) confirms this, Dwight gets livid.  He says there are universal, biological standards of beauty and attraction and they are purposefully celebrating the opposite of that, just to molly-coddle a pregnant woman.  When they try to object, Dwight adds that Helen Mirren was born Helen Mirrenoff and they are fake salivating over a Soviet Era Russian.  I don’t know, last time I checked, Helen Mirren was British.  Oh, and in case you don’t agree with the office crew about Helen Mirren’s hotness, she was named “Body of the Year” in an L.A. Fitness poll.

I’m sure you remember last season that Andy, Kevin and Darryl formed sort of a garage band down in the warehouse.  Unfortunately for us, the writers chose this episode to bring that story line back to life (even though it was beaten like a dead horse the first time around.  Can you tell, I’m not digging the whole jammin’ in the warehouse vibe?).  Andy walks into to Darryl’s office holding up a bag from Gerrity’s (Bob, you have at least one Scranton reference to build your Scrantonicty column on this week.).  When Darryl asks what Andy is doing with his lunch, he replies (and this is the only  funny thing about this story line) that he’s delivering it from the fridge.  Like a porno, “Hey, did anyone order a pizza?”  Darryl points out that his lunch is not pizza and Andy responds by saying, ” And we’re not about to make love, I just thought that maybe you’d want to eat lunch at your desk today so that during lunch we could go down to the warehouse and bang out a few tunes.”  (Notice the second porno reference in the use of the word bang.  Sometimes I’m just too perverted for my own good.)  Darryl is happy to revive their warehouse jam sessions and when he asks if Kevin is around, Andy replies, “You tell me.”  Cut to Kevin eating his chicken lunch at his desk and tapping out a drum beat on his lunch container with two actual drumsticks (as in the chicken leg kind).  And that, sadly, is where the humor in this story line dies.

Down in the warehouse, the three are happily playing music to Andy’s scatting and Val’s approval when Robert California ascends the stairs in all his glory.  Apparently, Andy had a meeting with him scheduled for after lunch.  When Andy questions if Robert wants to start the meeting early, he simply says that he’s just taking a stroll and asks what he’s stumbled upon the three of them doing.  When Andy explains that they’re all musicians and they play together sometimes; Robert calls them a band, which flatters Andy.  Kevin pipes up that they are called Kevin and the Zits, which Darryl adds was never officially agreed upon.  When Robert says he misses being in a band, Andy immediately asks him to join the band without even knowing what instrument Robert plays.  Kevin offers a tambourine, but apparently, that is not an instrument befitting a CEO.  Robert says that he plays the harmonica and he thinks he has one in his car.  When he leaves to get it, the 3 have a TH and are visibly excited.  Andy says that he’d given up on the idea of hanging out with Robert California and now he wants to play in their band.  When you’re in a band with someone, you’re bonded for life.  Darryl chimes in that usually that life is short and tragic.  Andy says that’s ok, it’s even cooler and Kevin adds, “We’ve all got to go sometimes.”  I don’t know guys, comparing yourselves to the likes of Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain might be a bit premature.

Back to our main subject of conversation, Pam’s insecurities, she goes back to her desk and asks Jim if he finds Helen Mirren hot.  I wonder if Helen Mirren watches The Office and how she feels about the show objectifying her.  If anyone finds an interview with her on this please let me know.  Jim replies that she’s super pretty which gives Pam the  perfect segue to directly ask Jim what he thinks of Cathy, objectively, of course.  He flat out tells her that he’s not attracted to Cathy and Pam pushes saying, “Look at her.  Even I want fries with that shake.”  I love that line.  Everything is a food metaphor when you’re pregnant.  Jim tells the camera that he’s not going to tell his 9 months pregnant wife that he thinks her replacement is objectively attractive.  Just like he wouldn’t tell his 2 yr old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun.  It’s true, but it doesn’t help anybody.  Jim insists that he doesn’t find Cathy attractive and gets up to leave.  Dwight, overhearing the whole conversation, says that it’s plain absurd.  He goes on to describe all of Cathy’s physical attributes in detail to show that any male would find her attractive.  Pam ponders his response and says that the thing about pregnancy is that people start to treat you differently, almost like a child, they lose all sense of boundaries and start telling you things that clearly aren’t true; cut to a montage of everyone in the office petting and feeling her belly.  She says that she knows it’s nuts, but she believes that Dwight is the only one who is telling her the truth.  Now Dwight is a very literal person, as we know, so that might not just be the pregnancy paranoia talking.

Pam decides to test her theory by directly asking Dwight is she’s hot right now.  Dwight directly responds by asking why would he or anyone else think she’s hot right now.  She was most hot at 24, with a gradual decline.  A steep drop off when she got pregnant for the first time, with a slight recovery and now; she’s at an all time low.  After pondering Dwight’s response, she confides in him that she thinks Jim is lying to her about not being attracted to Cathy.  Dwight confirms that he knows Jim is lying.  Pam offers him 5 bucks if he get’s Jim to admit it.  Dwight accepts, but he won’t high five Pam because he never touches a pregnant woman.  Pam is satisfied that she has the Dwight she needs.  And so continues the Dwight/Pam bonding from last week’s episode.

This is really the fun part, I love it when Dwight and Pam team up.  Only this time, Pam believes it’s legitimately in her best interest and not just a prank.  Dwight sets the ground rules for the mission: 1) Our only loyalty is to the truth.  Pam is good with that one.  2) We stop at nothing.  Pam’s a little unsure, but reluctantly agrees 3) Don’t fall in love.  Pam is certain she can accept this rule.  In a joint TH Dwight declares that they are going to get this guy.  Pam says that honesty is very important to her.  Dwight adds that they will then destroy the man himself.  Pam thinks they should just see how they feel when they get there.

Their next obvious move is to talk to relationship expert, Kelly.  Kelly tells them that they came to the right place and that Pam doesn’t want to end up like Elin Nordegren (ex-wife of Tiger Woods).  Kelly tells the pair about The Matchmaker test.  You simply ask Jim which one of his friends he would set up with Cathy.  If Jim picks a really hot friend, than you know he thinks that Cathy’s hot.  But that backfires on them when Jim picks his friend, Mike Tibbitz, who, after a thorough Facebook search by Kelly, turns out to be kind of nerd.  Pam concludes that Jim in onto her and he chose Mike Tibbitz to throw her off.  Which turns out to be true as per a TH by Jim.  Sometimes knowing each other really well can backfire on a couple; especially when they go head to head like Jim and Pam tend to do.  Dwight decides to go in another direction.  He explains that the male reveals attraction through involuntary physical signs, the puffing of the chest, mirroring, increased blood flow to the crotch.  He decides to start with the crotch.

Meanwhile, Andy, Darryl, Robert and Kevin are jamming down in the warehouse when two gentleman walk through the warehouse door.  Turns out one is a local musician, Curtis Duraux, who Darryl recognizes as a local legend and the other guy is a sportscaster for Channel 7 and was also the officiate at Robert’s wedding.  Robert wants them to join the group and the guys are all excited and happily concede their instruments.  They decide to play a song called Midnight Rambler which Andy and Kevin don’t know, and just when he’s struggling with the chords, trying to keep up, a lady walks through the door with her electric guitar and takes over.  Andy hands her his guitar pick, puts down his acoustic guitar and heads to the back and instead, starts playing his own body (which may or may not be contributing to the quality of the music; my guess is not).  It doesn’t matter because the guys are so flattered and they get lost in the blues.  Val notices and looks unnerved.

Back up in the office, Pam and Dwight bribe Creed with a Tobloerone bar so they can hide in his corner where they’ll go unnoticed and be able to observe Jim and Cathy’s interaction.  They can’t tell if he’s puffing out his chest because it’s unnaturally sunken.  When they both laugh at the same time, Dwight thinks he’s mirroring, but Pam thinks he just said something funny.  Pam is concerned that Jim is making Cathy laugh so much, but Dwight decides to go for the crown jewels and find out once in for all.  In a vain attempt at physical comedy,  Dwight fake trips and starts falling all over the place and grabs Jim’s crotch to balance himself.  Jim, of course, jumps up and tries to get Dwight off him, but he keeps trying to cop a feel.  When Jim asks why, Dwight simply says, “I just fell down Mr. Balance.”  Jim is mortified in front of his new co-worker and Dwight returns to Pam in her corner and asks her if her husband has very very soft erections?  Cause if not, he just grabbed a very soft penis for nothing.  Why is it the only thing that makes me laugh at the show these days are the sexual references?

So Dwight moves onto Plan C which is a makeshift lie detector test monitoring Jim’s blood pressure, pulse, breathing a perspiration to tell if he’s lying or not.  Dwight can’t believe Pam called the idea “crazy” and “nuts”, but she’s at the end of her rope, she doesn’t know what else to do; so she goes along with it.

So they all head out to the drug store, where there is a blood pressure machine.  When Jim sits down, an old man comes up and asks if they’re all in line.  Dwight just tells him to go check out the sympathy cards and the man sits down in a chair next to the machine.  Dwight begins by asking Jim if his name is Jim as a baseline question to establish whether he’s lying or not.  The old man grows impatient and  interjects that they have to share the machine.  Dwight fires back a mean comment and Jim gets up and lets the man go first.  When he finishes, he tells them that he has a new heart and Dwight calls him “Tin Man”.  It was pretty mean the way Dwight was treating the poor old guy, but it was still funny, just because it was Dwight.  I can just see Dwight in his old age, sitting in his rocker on the porch of Shrute Farms yelling and waving his cane at the teenagers trying to have sex in his family graveyard.

Jim has a funny talking head where he tells the camera that this lie isn’t for him, it’s for Pam.  When she gets her body back and her confidence back he will tell her the truth.  That he had feelings for a co-worker today that he hasn’t had in years.  However, in his defense, he was grabbing Jim’s crotch fairly aggressively at the time.  And then he gives the camera one of his classic Jim smirks.  So, he goes ahead and lets Dwight subject him to his stupid homemade test, which he surprisingly fails miserably.  Dwight says that Jim lied about every question, even his name and her wants to know who Jim really is.  With every reading the numbers come up 150 over 100.  Dwight says that Jim is a pathological lair, but according to the scale on the machine, Jim has Stage 2 Hypertension.  Pam gets immediately concerned and tells Jim that he has high blood pressure.  Which is hereditary as Jim’s Dad has high blood pressure.  Jim argues that he doesn’t smoke, but Pam just wants to know the last time Jim has been to the doctor.  Dwight keeps pushing the lying thing, but Pam just tell him to go home because it doesn’t matter.  Her main concern now is for Jim’s health.  She’s taking him home to call his doctor.  And therein, we see the love and the humanity in it all; which is why I love this show.

That’s pretty much where the story line ends, but unfortunately, we have to wrap up the B story as well, so I’ll have to run on for a bit longer.  With the help of Val, the trio realizes that Robert has taken over their band with his group of professional musicians (the woman toured with Cha-Ca-Kahn).  So they decide to go out to sit on a skid by the dumpster and jam on their own.  They have Andy’s guitar and a bucket for Kevin to bang on.  All things considered, their rendition of “Baby I Love Your Way” wasn’t half bad.

The tag scene is a drum face off between Kevin and the sportscaster, who  is amazing.  He keeps flipping his drumsticks and is completely flawless.  Kevin tries to imitate him, but of course, fails miserably.  Kevin is a good drummer, but he’s not an expert at the tricks like the other guy.  Sorry Kev.

So what did you think of this episode?  Sound off in the comments, or join us on the boards.  We’d love to hear from you.

One more thing I’d like to point out before I go, the Halpert Baby Blog has been reactivated.  You can keep up with Pam’s birth and maternity leave journey for her second child by clicking here.

Enjoy!

~Suri (aka HDF)